closure

Do you remember those boys? The ones who lit up my day and I couldn’t go too long without talking to. Those boys who lived in Las Vegas. The same ones we met online. The very boys who don’t exist.
For nearly a year those boys were my life. They were all I talked about. I spent hours a day on the internet talking to them. They always promised to come visit, but someone would end up seriously injured in the hospital and they couldn’t make it. It seemed like every week one of them was deathly ill. I used to joke that they all were going to die off.
Then I became even more emotionally attached–if that were possible. One of those boys and I shared our own inside joke: we were “married.” I called him my hubby and I was his wifey. I really did like that boy though. He was the one I was most anxious to meet.
I felt like I had known them my entire life. When they met new people, I made a new friend. When someone they knew died, I felt and shared in their pain. These boys seemed like all I had. I didn’t know what I would do if I lost them all.
Sometime during the summer 2008 my little sister had a dance competition in Vegas and I, of course, tagged along. I still cannot believe I drove over eight hours just to be so disappointed. I had even told them the hotel I had stayed at in hoped they would come see me.  No one did.  How pathetic of me.
After my return home I became suspicious; I noticed none of the boys had been online since before I left. So I googled one of them and ended up finding profiles for EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM in Australia. I didn’t know what to do; I was so confused. Then the Las Vegas profiles were deleted. I still don’t know what had happened.
In the months after I became terribly depressed all the time. I started up bad habits and lost many close friends in the process. I literally cried myself to sleep every night. Eventually, and little by little, I recovered and I got over it, until finally I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t think of it anymore.
I don’t care anymore.

FOR YOU: Don’t come around here and say I “cheated on you.” You were never man enough to show your true self; you had to hide behind someone who lives around the world that you have never even met. How dare you come back here and bring up memories and feelings that were long forgotten though a Truth Box message. GET A LIFE.
I’m over everything.

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