And here it comes again, that depression that I can always count on to return. This happens every so often, this feeling of unbearable sadness. I cannot control it. It swallows me whole. I cannot eat or sleep; all I want to do is cry.
Once a month, at the very least, I can count on the heavy feeling in my chest. At least once a month I can anticipate the overwhelming want, this immense desire to break free of the hold of my emotions. But I won’t let myself go.
I cannot let myself go.
I will be forever trapped in my own bottle, drowning in my own tears.
I wonder how I can let myself be engulfed so suddenly. I can never even feel this coming on. Up until recently I’ve expected it as something I must live with. I figured it as an unavoidable aspect to all human life. But as I’ve grown I’ve found it much more challenging to plaster a fake smile on my face as if everything in my life is beautiful. I find that I just don’t have the willpower left in me to fight.
I don’t want to have to choose to fight anymore.